just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
