if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
