He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
