I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
