im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize