just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
