I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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