It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize