so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
