she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
