I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
