with your own penis?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
