I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
