are you so shy because you have an std?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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