yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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