come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
