seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
