do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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