I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My vagina is officially offended.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
