Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
