I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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