Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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