Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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