You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
