I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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