TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
