im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize