And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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