can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
