every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
