some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
