Screwed.edu
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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