Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
MIDGETS
????
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
