im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
