It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
