dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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