I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
