Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
