im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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