Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER†and I went ham on tinder.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
