Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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