i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I want to have your abortion
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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