my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
