Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize