How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
