I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
