you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
