It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
FUCK WHALES
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
