I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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