I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
