Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Will exercising make me less horny?
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