my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
