he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
