make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
