There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
