no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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