I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
