cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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