Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
