btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
