'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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