I think my vagina is haunted
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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