omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
