Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
