If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
